World Superbikes : Ronaldo's modest race small-up
Bonjoir my Poodle loving friends. It is I, Ronaldo, Randy's non-descript Eurotrash half-cousin here to give you the wheels in-line, front-pushing small-up of the Moto Grand Prix of Le France in Le Mans!!
Firstly may I dip my beret of approval in the general directions of the Palace of Versailles for the exemplarily scheduling of grand prix this year that has resulted in a near perfect mixture of inconsistency and thereby reducing track time but increasing the garishly pitlane poncing around time. When the wet weather hits the pitlane it's time to head to the nearest pit side café bar for a euro-choca-chino and accompanying croissant to work out some rain adjusted set up time calculations. As we say in France, 'the pen is mightier than the sword - but not as mighty as someone else's sword that's being used by them for you because you can't be arsed'.
Qatar must rank as a perfect race weekend - shortened, cancelled and postponed races - all in one weekend! And what a result on Monday with perfectly symmetrical spaces between riders it was more exciting than the 'crusty roll dash' around The Louvre. I of course didn't watch the race as it clashed with an interesting art house film about a cat's lifelong struggle to gain approval of a hat. But I did browse over the result with semi-interest when reported on by Bloomberg.
Onto 'Le Circuit' and the beauty of this belle-track is the way its sensual curves and flowing bends are kept in check by the chicanes tighter than the Arc de Triumph's architecture - the likes of which would even test the air-suspension of a Citroen. This white-flag thinking helps keep down the overall speed and encourages riders to adopt a technical, less-offensive strategy. As my old friend Alain Prost would say "an action-starved race is a perfectly-carved race!" And Alain wrote the book on avoiding action…and cheating. In fact I think he wrote a few on cheating.
Furthermore Le Mans offers our home stained riders ample run off space should another Nazi-styled attack happen from a feisty German rider keen on kicking off again. With quick-release perimeter fences and a Renault powered escape train on hand we can be out and in hiding within a matter of minutes leaving the European forces to sort it out for us whilst we stay safe and make snooty remarks about the mess they're making.
If there has been one man who has surely been getting his towel down on the lounger early and making sure he gets in the hotel breakfast bar queue for a hazelnut yoghurt and some soft cheese spread before you the its' Valentino Rossi. Vale's 'bring it home' conservative attitude of 2008 has been carried forward in to 2009 and is a delight to watch. You must remember that the sum of the dull-finish points is greater than the victories gained - especially if Alain Prost's on the board of scoring directors.
Another rider I respect and admire is Dani Pedrosa. His tactic of avoiding battles like there's a war-claxon sounding really hits a chord with me along with his famed 'drip-feeding the brie to the front' style of cornering.
Onto art and I love to paint! And when it comes to painting with a camp-stance instead of going to work us Frenchies know our onions…and when it comes to onions we really know our onions! So, being an artist I just love to paint the idyllic scene at Le Mans except when all the poorly dressed Brits ruin the picture. Personally I like to taunt them with my outrageous accent from behind the safety of my soufflé.
